It’s been almost exactly two months to the day since I’ve written here. The last thing that I wrote about was nearly self-releasing due to my Master and I having little to no time for Our D/s relationship…if You could see me giggling, you’d be relieved I think. A lot has happened between Master and I, in Our relationship as well as outside of it. Our D/s is certainly no longer lacking.
Late August…so since then Our Fall/School schedule has come into effect and with that, Master and I have more time to Ourselves to devote to Us and Our own personal interests. Master has taken me to several dance lessons where We are improving Our Lead/Follow which, in turn, drastically helps Our dynamic. We have been able to have multiple scenes, Master taking His time to patiently hone His skills in my pain/bondage/orgasm control training. He messages me daily, constantly praising my actions and my triumphs, cheering me on during my struggles, and supporting me when I’m upset…Things have been much, much more communicative between Us and We’ve gotten back in the swing of being the divine Master/spoon that We are.
With all that fabulous kink, there has come even deeper changes in Our Dynamic. Master has recognized that with the opening up of Our time, that We should pursue the Other partners in our lives that we have been searching for in the past. We went on a few sites, talked to a few people online, were stood up once. While it has been a bumpy road, Master has kept His optimism up for me every time I’ve had a date or have had someone show interest. He has gone on a few dates Himself, but no one of consequence that caught His attention for longer than small talk in a cramped coffee house. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever find out what it was really like to have a female companion in my life and then…out of the random blue on a tiny private Lesbian/Bi site that I was added to by a crush, I met Her.
As is my Law here on my Blog-land, I don’t name name’s and try to keep my detailed life to a dull roar. I also, for self preservation reasons, heart-saving reasons, don’t write people in unless they are significant to my Path or to my Journey. It’s painful to write them in only for them to be gone before the ink even dries, so I don’t, not unless I am fully swayed to do so. I met Her so randomly, on a Thursday I think, and it was pouring outside. We met at my favorite coffee shop in Town, a tiny hole in the wall that Master’s best friend introduced Us to years ago. I took Her there, honestly, because I was craving one of their signature drinks and I figured that even if I was going to get stood up, at least I was going to have a really good cup of coffee in the mean time. She was late, I was beginning to panic, I messaged Master that I was scared. He messaged me right back to breathe, to calm down, that I would be alright and to give her another couple of minutes, that it was indeed pouring rain outside. He reminded me to ask her what she wanted to drink and to go ahead and order for both of Us. I took His lead, followed His patient urging and was soon watching this tiny vision of Light walk through the door. She was exactly I thought she would be, real. We talked that first day for two and a half hours. She walked me to my car, I had to go, I had to meet Master for a business appointment and I…didn’t want to go. I was late, something I was scolded lightly for with a knowing look and light swat on the bum; but standing in the rain with her at my car…I could have talked to her all afternoon.
That night, telling Master about Her and how exquisite our conversation was, He smiled, ear to ear. He kissed me so hard and held me so tightly, whispering into my curls how proud He was of me for going out, for staying when I was so scared, for meeting Her and how truly happy He was that I had found such a connection. I slept tucked into His arms, deeply, at peace with how far we’d come.
The next morning dawned, She messaged me. She wanted to spend time with me. I didn’t have plans and at Master’s gleeful encouragement, agreed to meet Her for a shopping date at a local antique mall. We talked, walked, browsed all afternoon. Even now, after living it, thinking on it and piecing it back together, I can’t quite remember everything that we talked about because I was in such a daze, such a blissfully happy, overwhelmed daze. She bought me a book. An old book. If you don’t understand the weight of this gesture, I’ll try to put into perspective; books are my TV, my movies, my travels, my travelling companions, my inner thoughts and deepest friends, I really enjoy reading and REALLY like old books. I’m a huge fan of the classics, particularly around the turn of the century publishing’s…within the first twenty minutes of our adventure She picks up a beaten, worn, loved copy of William Wordsmith’s Poetry. It’s not in great shape, pages falling out in places where the binding had broken down in the front, but the spine was still strong… aside from the fact that it was old and a book, being poetry I could feel my locks melting, the walls making that dangerous quivering look. She offered and refused no for an answer, the book was mine. (Yes, totally held back tears, hugging her and or crying. I thought about it though, LOTS) The rest of the day was spent wandering with her through little time capsules of amazing ancient trinkets, talking about anything from our pasts to our current loves/lives and so much in between. What’s even more amazing, looking at it in hindsight, I am so enthralled that there is so much more to know about Her, that we’ve just started this journey. At the end of the evening I was beginning to feel the drain, of being so over exposed and so exhilarated for so long, however…even with the darkened skies and rain pouring down, I still didn’t want to leave Her…
Master waited at home for me, so I gave her a warm hug and darted off to my car with my treasured book. The drive to home was oddly very quick, even with the pelting precipitation pounding on my windshield. Master met me at the door with dinner and a beer. I had been messaging Him off and on all day, however, when we finally got a moment alone, I recanted my day of relaxing bliss, soothing conversation, massive overload of antiques and showed Him the book She bought me. He smiled huge, gently turning the book around in His hands, noting on the damage, but upon seeing that someone had written their name beautifully in old, long forgotten cursive, He kissed my forehead, knowing my weakness for the personal touches on old books that would otherwise render them worthless in collectors eyes. I have always loved books with notes in them, writing in them, names, little snippets of thoughts from their previous owners. I have a few copies of old manuscript’s/plays that have actors note’s in the footnotes; I adore that. Master knows this quirk about me and delights in finding obscure copies of novels that indulge my fancy, so to see this copy with all these little details, He knew my heart, knew why I was so quite at times, gazing off with a lost sort of look.
I’ve never been here before, on the cusp of this with another woman. I have tried, I have not found anyone that I really thought could keep up, or that felt the same way I did or that didn’t need alcohol to be intimate with me. I have had my heart broken by being “friend zoned” (except when she was drunk, back before Master and I started Our D/s (or lived in this current zip code for that matter) but other than that and a scattering of dates, I really was beginning to wonder if I would ever find that other woman. I’m terrified and…that’s a good thing. I believe that you have to be scared in order to know what you’re doing, diving deeper into yourself, your desires and needs with another person, I think that fear helps propel you to something greater. Even if it falls apart at some point, there will be lessons, there are lessons that have already been made…it’s just a matter of taking that leap and letting go, not being so afraid of that very powerful flow. It’s still very new in our journey together, She and I, so I’m twitter patted, smitten and all those warm fuzzy things that come with infatuation and budding romance. I’m not sure what’s coming next and that gives me butterflies, but in a very welcome way.
Through all of this very interesting and scary transition, I have been so blessed to have my Master constantly helping me cope with being so silly and over obsessive. He is so happy that I have found Her, that we have such a connection, that I’m so blissfully happy. I have to admit, I’m overwhelmed, just a bit. As with any new shift, this is a lot to take in and I’m having to remind myself to breathe. Master was a darling and made writing tonight a Top Priority for His precious spoon. I’m fighting tears and to keep my thoughts together, all good things, I’m just feeling incredibly blessed and am very excited that Master will be home in moments to have tea. No matter the partners, no matter the steps, We always find Our way and dance One Step Closer.