Life sometimes gets in the way of the lifestyle, it’s a known and sometimes painful fact. My own life has been thrown into turmoil with the near constant roller coaster that is becoming home owners, family drama, health concerns and occupational shenanigans; however, the submissive heart never stops beating. What does one do when the scenes become fewer and far between, the Order’s/requests slip and the assignments cease? It becomes a time of reflection, a time of introspection and finding new, inventive ways to submit without adding to the already highly emotional charged situation. It’s a time of questioning, of diving deeper into myself and what is truly in my heart, why it is that I find such delight and pleasure in living my life as I do.
I start diving in with my upbringing; My Husband has honestly always been my Dominant, simply because that is how I was raised; the Man is the head of household, you look to Him for answers, give your opinion when asked for, etc. My family wasn’t necessarily firmly conservative or particularly strict on behavior, but I was raised with a military background so for me to hear, “Sir” and “Ma’am” used was common place. It was natural for me to lower my lashes, to speak with conviction as to be heard, but not as to offend and to have excellent manners; after all, your actions reflected your family.
When I started to get into dancing, I began a different kind of submission. I had been in love with the complex sounds and tones of classical symphonies since I was a very small child, so when I began to dance at thirteen and found that I could contort, twist and bend my body to make it look like the embodiment of music; I lost myself in dance. I was able to let lose, to be free within the steps, to stretch my limbs and touch the notes in ways that I never thought possible; I could submit to the music that I so adored. I found a freedom in dancing that is so very similar to the freedom I find in kneeling; that I could do anything, express every emotion flawlessly and Love completely in those moments, my submission to the notes and their sway over me. It was natural for me to move only when the notes allowed, to follow the lead of partner (when I had one) and to trust in that person when we danced together. The euphoria of performing was it’s own subspace.
Even deeper still down the rabbit hole, when I chose to widen my spirituality, into the Divine Feminine/Masculine, and how those Energetic forces drove us all and triggered certain responses, I found myself once again submitting to overwhelming knowledge and wealth of experiences . I devoured books, attended gatherings, wrote/lead/practiced meditations, studied everything that I could, I became obsessed with diving deeper, with being more, with finding that deep Feminine Goddess within. What I found was that the deeper I went, the more and more I longed to serve, no matter what it was, my family, my education, my love of dance or my Unconditional Love for my Husband, at my core, I found I was Divinely Submissive to the Passion that I had for Living.
So with all this passion for submission, with this being at the Core of who I find myself to be, after all this fantastic introspection how does one cope when life gets in the way of that divine Release??
I have found myself enjoying my house work more and dedicating my submission to the work. I put on some music, do the dishes and scrub down the bathrooms, do the laundry and vacuuming and feel proud and so excited for Him to come home and see that His castle is in order. Even on days when He is too tired to notice, I know that He is coming home to a well-kept place and that He doesn’t have to worry about anything once He is back from work.
Any errand that He asks me to run, whether it’s to the local 7/11 to pick up an energy drink or to the grocery store to get ingredients for dinner, (NOT an easy chore! He’s a chef and very particular about His ingredients and always sends me to get last minute items. Very nerve wracking) I passionately go about doing it. I will text Him when I am on my way home to make sure He doesn’t need anything else, always making sure to call Him ‘Sir’*. (*The title He prefers, though Master is a formality in Kinky Public.)
While We do have a set list of tasks/chores that have been somewhat neglected, I am proud that every day I still make our bed and His tea every night when He gets home; that if We’re going out that I ask what He color He would like to see me in. I try my hardest to make sure that even if He is in a sour mood, bogged down by the day or by the stresses of our life that I am there with an open heart and ear to listen, sitting at His feet when I can. I can’t say that I don’t falter, it is very difficult to have to share Him with all the mundane stupidity that He must handle in order to propel our family forward, however Life gets in the way of the lifestyle, it truly does, it wanes and suffers when reality comes a knocking. I have learned that I, at times must be His support, His crying shoulder, His Beacon in the Darkness. He is my Rock and protects me, He listens when I need Him to and tries to sooth me; with any relationship there is a give and take to things, with the Lifestyle that give and take can be much more intense. Some days we subs have to put on our armor and go out on the battlefield and fight the demons of our Masters, with or without their notice.
I love Him; with every ounce of my being, to the depths of my submissive Core. There have been some of the darkest days in my life and have been so blessed and incredibly lucky, to have someone like my Master by my side to help me through the worst of it. The Lifestyle (as a Life-style, not just a bedroom thing or play time scene) isn’t all about scene’s, playtime and sexy sex; it is also about the fights we have, the lull’s in intimacy, the painful struggles that we have to go through and the Path that we have to walk; the Lifestyle is very, very difficult, but as I have learned to expect, the rewards are incredible.
So when all is said and done, the short version on what to do? I take a deep breath, take some time to devote myself and find that Balance. I let my Master know in the most soothing way that I can that I am here for Him in whatever way that He needs me, that I’m so very sorry that the world is too much for Him and that I am a devoted member of His cheer squad, there to help. I find ways to submit even when they are not ordered because Love is never ending, so at some point, this too shall pass. We both will look back on it and say, “Remember when We made it through…”…and We’ll be one step closer.